Eating That Elephant

Well, I did it…I broke down and bought DS a weapon. Me, the staunch liberal, “we don’t even pretend to hurt people or animals”. My step-dad, Mr Green, will probably be horrified.

He’s finally gotten into the “I want to pretend to shoot at things” mode and I decided to go with the Lawrence Cohen/Playful parenting approach and let go of what are probably MY hangups and “join him” rather than shutting him down. After all, he really IS old enough to know the difference between actually shooting live animals and shooting a piece of burlap with paint on it.

But at least it is a COOL weapon. It’s a PSE Polaris bow with 6 carbon arrows. Since we are both left-eye-dominant, we can even share a bow.

(You can tell with the following exercise – we just figured out yesterday it works with mirrors too. Stand either in front of another person or in front of a mirror. Hold your hands facing away in an “L” shape but with all fingers open. Move them together to form a small triangular hole. Now, look at the other person (or yourself in the mirror) through the hole with both eyes open. The eye that is visible to the person/in the mirror is your dominant eye – the eye you use to determine object placement).

There is a local (free) range about 15 minutes away where we can shoot at hay bales with pictures of animals drawn on them. It’s actually pretty fun.

Now, not being a particularly “cool” person, I’m wondering why the bow is so cool, when even water guns annoy me. Part of it is the reaction I get from others that are “alternative” moms. I’m expecting … judgement and instead I get looks of approval. (except from my husband. I was hoping it would awaken a deep seated urge to have this as a common interest with our son. Not so far. Hmmpfh). Kind of strange. The other part though, is that it is so……traditional? It shows up in everything from history to fantasy.

My son (8) has had to do vision therapy for the last few months. VT involves weekly appts with a therapist and daily exercises. Last summer, we did a short amount and it helped for a while but then his eyes reverted. He went from reading chapter books to not even reading signs and labels. Not something that really works in 3rd grade. The research I did indicated it wouldn’t just resolve itself. Much as we all hated the boring exercises, we chose to put him back in, and this time do the full course so that he wouldn’t have to do it again. (The exercises strengthen underused muscles in the eyes, and once the muscles are strong the exercises have to be repeated until the brain uses those muscles automatically so they don’t revert to old patterns).

We tried games (puppy school, seeing eye dog school, etc), we tried explanations, etc. We switched to a more flexible therapist, and used a computer program that isn’t quite as boring as the paper exercises. We did everything we could to make it a positive experience. What it came down to, is these are *very* hard (they are hard even for adults), yet if they aren’t done, my $80 / week is wasted and he won’t be able to read. Finally I decided that much as I dislike rewards, this is not a long-term behavior that I’m trying to reinforce, and the positives outweighed the negatives. So I tied the exercises (minute for minute time earned) with his favorite, adored, computer game. Of course after a while I had to up the ante (double minutes for the hardest exercises), which is expected with rewards. Lately he has been not choosing to do them even for the incentive so I’ve had to restrict other activities until the exercises are done as well (also expected). Not ideal but not awful either I guess, given the alternatives.

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow he will be completely finished with the program. (Note – Though he knows I teach it, I’ve never explained positive discipline to him. I’ve probably explained it to others in front of him, but even that I can’t remember much of…and I’m pretty sure the disadvantages of rewards has never come up). So here is his take on the situation today:

(whiny, tired, voice) “Mom, offering to reward your child for doing something they really don’t want to do ISN’T positive discipline. Because then, they only have the choice of doing the thing they really don’t want to do, or not getting the thing they really do want to do. That’s not really a choice and then that makes them feel bad! And that is NOT positive discipline! So I know you like positive discipline. So why do I have to do them?”

He was kind of right, what could I say? Yet they still needed to be done.

I went and got some crackers and called, “Come here boy! Dog biscuits!!” and we got them done. Whew.